I know people hate it when you mention the "c word" before Thanksgiving, and love to grumble about Christmas music already playing or decorations already for sale in stores. But I have a confession to make, I love Christmas. I don't see how it is even possible to have another favorite holiday. I secretly assume there is something wrong with people who don't like Christmas the most. What's not to love? There are presents, decorations galore, lights, treats, Santa, good cheer. Music. I know a lot of people despise Christmas music, but I can't, not even the ridiculous Drummer Boy Song. First thing on the day after Thanksgiving I pull out my Christmas CDs (yes I still use CDs) and listen to Bing Crosby croon as I decorate the house. I love the sense of joy and familiarity Christmas songs bring. And I actually get sad when people grump about them.
Getting out my decorations while listening to the songs is almost ritualistic for me. Every year growing up my mother would buy each of us an ornament to put on the tree. Each ornament is unique and tells its own story. Mine are mostly animals dressed up. One of my favorites is an alligator in a pink house coat carrying a grocery sack with a baguette sticking out. These ornaments and other decorations are old friends. I have a Twas the Night Before Christmas pop up book that I've had since I was my son's age. We put that book away every year after Christmas was over so it became my prized book because I could only look at it this time of year. I have my Mickey Mouse and Friends stocking, one of the first things I ever asked for from Santa. Muppet Baby stuffed animals my grandma sent us years ago. A mug of Mary and baby Jesus I colored for my parents when I was in first grade. These are my treasures. These are my heirlooms.
Christmas to me, is so much more than getting stuff. I have a big family and most of the time we didn't have much. But my mother always tried her best to make sure the holidays were magical. Somehow we always had special treats and carefully wrapped presents. One of the traditions my family has is we put a kiwi in each person's stocking, The kiwi is a reminder of a Christmas when my parents had no money buy anything, but someone left them a basket of fruit and they were so thankful for something as simple as fruit. Every year I'd see that kiwi and be reminded of my blessings.
I wrote before that I have a large family. Which means it's almost impossible to get everyone a gift. I've seen my mother who has so little, start shopping days after Christmas so she can get good deals and make sure she sends everyone something. She also sews clothes for grandkids or for grandkids' dolls. I remember as a kid her sewing clothes for my friend's American Girl doll because we didn't have money to buy them. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now I can fully appreciate the time and energy she put in to make sure I
had gifts to give my friends.                                                          
                 
                             my mom silly and magical

My mother would also bake all these delicious goodies, pecan tassies, fudge, truffles, cookies. On Christmas day there was always a giant feast of turkey and gravy, mashed potatoes, yams, delicious rolls ( my grandma's recipe) and the coveted macaroni salad. I still have not attempted to make my own batch of macaroni salad because I know no one makes it as good as my mom does.
 I guess for me, Christmas has become to symbolize my mother's love for her kids, because no matter how tough things could be or no matter the mistakes she made, Christmas was special, magical,                                                                                                   beautiful.
So yes, I love Christmas. And I hope I can spread the holiday cheer and make  the holidays as wonderful for my kids as as my mother did for me. And I may even slyly hum some "chestnuts roasting on an open fire" before Thanksgiving.

          I find myself pregnant again. It's my fourth pregnancy in three years and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. Of course I am happy we're having a baby, but along with that comes my fears. I'm afraid of the M word happening again. I'm worried about how I'll cope with working while I'm feeling so nauseous. I'm worried about finishing school. I'm worried about handling three kids under four years of age. I'm scared that  the mesh from my hernia surgery will tear while I'm pregnant and I'll have to have surgery after giving birth. I'm mostly worried my baby won't make it. Of course most everyone is happy we're having a baby so it makes it hard to talk about these fears. I also feel like if I bring up anything negative about being pregnant it somehow is insensitive to those out there that can't have babies. Believe me I am thankful Jaren and I don't have fertility issues. But I still do have to deal with  problems. And when my ten month old isn't keeping me up at night, my worries do. I know everything will be ok, but the stress is still there.